Subject: Togetherness From: ianwilli@dircon.co.uk (Ian Williams)

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it OK if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

Joke Submission by: Travis Martin

Subject: Real Cowboys From: enge0213@tc.umn.edu (Aaron Engelhart) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny

A kid walked up to a guy wearing a 10-gallon hat, leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid asked him, "Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?"

The cowboy replied, "Well, son, the big hat protects me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it protects me then, too."

"Why do you wear that leather vest?"

"It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has pockets where I can keep my valuables."

"Well, why do you wear leather chaps?"

"They protect my legs when I'm driving my horse through mesquite and cactus."

"Well, Mr. Cowboy," the kid finally asked, "Why do you wear sneakers?"

"That's so somebody won't think I'm a truck driver."

Subject: "Observations" From: ronald.dysvick@sap-ag.de (Ronald Dysvick)

One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people everyday.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.

I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

West Virginia... Five Million People... Fifteen Last Names.

I married Miss Right, but I just never knew her first name was, "Always".

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ...or is it ?

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

THE BILL OF RIGHTS... (Void where prohibited by law)

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

A FOOL AND HIS MONEY can throw one hell of a party.

REMEMBER, half the people are Below Average.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.