From: "s b"

Ego on Wheels - A Joke for Those Who Like Their Cars

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone."

The driver of the Yugo says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"

Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.

So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet. "I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?!?!"

From: (Ronald Dysvick)

For those who don't know John Cleese, he's the Monty Python dude and also was in 'A Fish Called Wanda' as the brit lawyer. John Cleese was on American TV recently and was asked for the differences between English and American people. In reply he said that there were three differences ...

1. We speak English and you don't

2. When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries

3. When you meet the head of state in England, you only have to go down on one knee.

From: (Ronald Dysvick)

If we could shrink the Earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people...with all existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look like this:

There would be 57 Asians, 21 Europeans, 14 from the Western Hemisphere (North and South) and 8 Africans. 51 would be female; 49 male 70 would be nonwhite; 30 white. 70 would be non-Christian; 30 Christian. 50% of the entire world's wealth would be in the hands of only 6 people, and all 6 would be citizens of the United States. 80 would live in substandard housing. 70 would be unable to read. 50 would suffer from malnutrition. 1 would be near death, 1 would be near birth Only 1 would have a college education. No one would own a computer!!

From: Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Clam flat pollution

My town office in Maine had several posters about polluted clam flats. This is quite a problem; many flats have been closed temporarily or permanently, driving the price of clams way up. So the poster explains that a microorganism causes a disease in clams that causes numbness, disorientation, and even death.

My question is simply this: just what are the distinguishing marks of a numb or disoriented clam?