From: "s b"

Ten Dollahs

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said " Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." and every year Martha would say "I know Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs.... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs." So Stumpy says " By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go." Martha replies " Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

So the pilot overhears them and says " Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."

They agree and up they go.... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard, he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.

He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says " By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't."

And Stumpy replies " Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!

From: Al Kroska From: Sherry Olmscheid

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away. After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer! We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!

Subject: Netlag? Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1998 19:30:00 PST From: friedman@CS.Stanford.EDU (Perry Friedman) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny

Saw the following headline on CNN Customnews: "Pennsylvania Governor Tom Ridge Announces Live Internet Broadcast of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address"

Talk about network latency...

From: From: Obrien, Colleen A.

Of course some of these don't apply to the unemployed... (jlf)

-Top 22 Signs You've Had Too Much of the 90's:

22. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

21. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

20. Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN's homepage to your bookmarks.

19. You have a "to do list" that includes entries for lunch and bathroom breaks and they are usually the ones that never get crossed off.

18. You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents.

17. Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital gains.

16. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.

15. You assume the question to valet park or not is rhetorical.

14. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.

13. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.

12. Your grocery list has been on your refrigerator so long some of the products don't even exist any more.

11. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their profits.

10. You get all excited when it's Saturday and you can wear sweats to work.

9. You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.

8. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.

7. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.

6. You think that "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing a project" are acceptable English phrases.

5. You know the people at the airport hotels better than you know your next door neighbors.

4. You ask your friends to "think out of the box" when making Friday night plans.

3. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.

2. You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.

And the number 1 sign you've had too much of the 90's:

1. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.