http://www.comedy.com/joke.asp (Joke of the Day) for 1/18/99
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys : - 1 bar of soap - 1 toothbrush - 1 tube toothpaste - 1 loaf of bread - 1 pint of milk - 1 single serving cereal - 1 single serving frozen dinner
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The woman replies very sarcastically, "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."
Joke Submission by: R.C.
It was just announced that Wurlitzer is merging with Xerox. They are going to market reproductive organs.
There is a merger in the works involving Polygraph Records, Time Warner Communications and Keebler. It will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.
3M & Goodyear = mmmGood
Playboy & Toys R Us = Boy Toy
Zippo Manufacturing & Audi & Dofasco & Dakota Mining = Zip Audi Do Da
Honeywell & Imasco & Home Oil = Honey, I'm Home
3M & JC Penny & Canadian Opera Company = 3 Penny Opera
Denison Mines & Alliance & Metal Mining = Mine, All Mine
So far today I have done all right.
I have not gossiped.
I have not lost my temper.
I have not been greedy,
grumpy, nasty, selfish,
proud or overindulgent.
I am very thankful for that....
But in a few minutes, God,
I am going to get out of bed.
Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three shots of tequila. "OK," He says and pours their shots.
They all clink glasses and yell, "51 days!"
Then they proceed to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied. They look back to the bartender and decide to order another round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell, "51 days!"
The bartender finally can't stand wondering what they are talking about and asks, "What's this business about '51 days'?"
Looking very smug, one replies, "Well, we just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us only 51 days....and on the box it said 4-7 years."
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln