From: (Ronald Dysvick)

Perfect Shot

A guy is standing over his tee shot, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed...

His partner says, "What's taking so long?"

The first guy says, "My wife is on the clubhouse porch, so I want to make a perfect shot."

His partner says, "Forget'll never hit her from here."

>From KMLavaty@SCJ.COM Thu Feb 25 11:10:42 1999


A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile.

"Good Morning sir. What a wonderful morning I'd like two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked it's runny, and the other so over cooked it's tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold site; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, luke-warm."

"That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."

The guest replied, "Oh?, But that's what I got yesterday!"


If you're into art...

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious mistake, he replied "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."