The Case of the Cigars
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.
"If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant.
As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"
"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."
"But I did send them."
"What?? You did???"
"Yes. That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said the lawyer.
"It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."
Joke Submission by: Lou Monaco
A cowboy rides into town, hitches up his horse and walks into a bar. He goes up, gets a beer, drinks it, and walks out.
Half a second passes and he bursts back into the bar and says "All right which one of you mule patoots painted my horse's face yellow?".
A huge man-mountain stands up, looks down at the cowboy and says "I did".
The cowboy looks up at him and whispers "The first coat's dry"
The same cowboy rides into another town, goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen.
He walks into the bar, and fires his gun through the ceiling.
"Which one of you coyote scatts stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas".
He gets another beer, walks outside, and his horse has been returned. Just as he settles into the saddle, the bartender flies out the front door asks "Say, cowboy, what happened in Texas?".
Turning his horse into the street, the cowboy says "I walked home."
Joke Submission by: Alison Dennis
An attorney is visiting his client at a large real estate development company. The attorney asks his client, "I have a good broker joke -- do you want to hear it?"
The client says, "You should know that I am a broker, my boss is a broker, and the Chairman of the Board is a broker. Now, do you really want to tell your joke in here?"
The attorney thinks for a minute, and responds, "Naw, I don't want to bill you for explaining it three times."
Joke Submission by: Howard Lax
Joke of the Day for 11/25/98 The Rabbit Next Door
This is a TRUE story!
These people owned a dog and their neighbor, a rabbit. When ever the neighbors put their rabbit outside, the people with a dog would have to bring their dog in.
One day the people with the dog came dome and found the dog with a filthy, DEAD, rabbit in its mouth! So they did the only thing they could do, wash it, blow dry it, fluff up the fur and put it back in the cage hoping the neighbors wouldn't notice.
Later that week on Halloween the dog owner met the rabbit owner while shopping and the rabbit owner said, "The strangest thing happened..." The dog owner was worrying, thinking that maybe they figured it out.
The rabbit owner continued, "The other day we found our rabbit dead in it's cage. It was all clean and fluffy though." Now the dog owner was REALLY worried. The rabbit owner continued, "The really weird part was that the rabbit had died and we burried it 2 days earlier!"
Redmond, WA - Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.