From: (Funny Guy)

Some one liners from rec.humor.funny

= = = = = = = From: (George R. Neil) Subject: Metric Conversion

Question of the day: Does it take 500,000 parapsychologists to treat one megalomaniac?

= = = = = = = From: (Toximan) Organization: AOL ( Subject: Too True!!!

>From a poster on my Doctor's wall....

"Nothing is impossible to the man who does not have to do it himself!"

= = = = = = = From: (cwolfe) Subject: Mir spaceship

[Heard on the 11:00 news]

The Russian space station Mir is so old that our report says the latest trouble is with the 8 track player.

= = = = = = = From: (Tim Miller) Subject: Cocktail names ...

A woman walks into a Cocktail Bar.

She says to the Barman, "I'll have a Double Entendre please."

So he gives her one.

= = = = = = = Organization: AOL ( From: (Airsurf696) Subject: A wink and a nod

How do you make a Government Worker wink?

Get them to open one eye.

= = = = = = = From: (Tom Sullivan) Subject: An idea ahead of its time

My friend Jim, who always full of "interesting" ideas, has a new way to make millions. He wants to make a Tamigochi (sp?) emulator for PC's so people can have virtual virtual pets.

= = = = = = = From: (-=JR=-) Subject: Orange

What is orange and sleeps four?

A CalTrans truck

(CalTrans is the California Transit Authority - the guys who lean on shovels in the middle of traffic)

= = = = = = = From: Scott.Dickson@East.Sun.COM (Scott Dickson - SE - Atlanta Commercial District) Subject: New translation for the Business Traveller

Overheard at work:

Coworker 1: So, where are you staying? Coworker 2: La Quinta Inn. Coworker 1: La Quinta? Isn't that Spanish for "Next to Denny's"?

= = = = = = = From: (Bruce Harper) Subject: Send in the Clones

Heard on Thursday morning on the "Breakfast Club" on Q-99 FM in Roanoke, Virginia (from a caller to the show):

"If cloning scientists work with figure skaters Dorothy Hammil or Nancy Kerrigen, the result will be an ice queen clone."

= = = = = = = From: (The Ellis Family) Subject: Golden Gate Bridge Pedestrian Toll

San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge is considering imposing a $1 toll for pedestrians. Those planning to jump from mid-span would pay 50 cents.

Andrew Ellis

Organization: Stanford University From: (Timothy E. Vaughan) Subject: Flaky

Heard on a radio commercial for a local ski resort:

With our powerful snow-making machines, we've got more flakes than the Jerry Springer show!

= = = = = = = From: (Leon Moser) Subject: The doctor is in

My friend was bemoaning how he had lost his web browser's bookmarks so I told him he should see a doctor.

He responded, "A URLologist?"

= = = = = = = From: (Vikram Adukia) Subject: your buttons

Heard this one a while ago:

Q. Why are your parents so good at pushing your buttons?

A. They installed them.

= = = = = = = From: (Neil Page) Subject: Sense of reality

(To the best of my knowledge this is 100% original)

What is the difference between wrestling & soap operas?

Wrestling fans know they're watching a storyline.