Subject: The Beggar Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
There was a rich man who was approached by a poor beggar asking for food. The rich man asked, "Do you smoke? I could give you some cigarettes." The beggar responded "No, I don't. I am just hungry and want food."
Then the rich man asked "Do you drink? I have a bottle of good whiskey I could give you." The beggar replied "No, I don't drink. I am just hungry and need food."
Finally the rich man asked "Do you gamble? I could give you some good tips on the races this weekend." The beggar again replied "No. I am just hungry and want some food."
Finally the rich man said "Well, in that case, I had better take you to my home." He invited the beggar into his car and drove him to his very substantial home. There, he introduced the beggar to his wife, who asked "What are you going to do with this man? Are you going to invite him to live with us, eat our food, and wear our clothes?"
The man replied, "No, of course not. I just wanted to show you what happens to a man who doesn't smoke, drink, or gamble."
"Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car."
Subject: The Flying Turtle Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
What do you call a good looking man with a brunette? A hostage.
Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? It matches their mustache.
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot.
They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom".
As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their genitals and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his genitals. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in my congregation, its my face they would recognize."
Joke Submission by: Fred T. Beeman