From: ronald.dysvick@sap-ag.de (Ronald Dysvick)

"Tough Missionaries"

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder ... those are friars!"

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"Two heads are better than one"

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

"No," she insists as she hands him a check to buy one. "It must be blue."

When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.

He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her...so I just switched the heads."

There was this elderly woman who was totally deaf. She could read lips but had to have a "Hearing Ear" dog to help her to "hear" someone knocking at her door or the sound of emergency traffic. She kept her faithful dog with her wherever she went.

One day she decided to go to the movie theater to see some of her favorite stars. About half way through the show the dog began to howl and bark so loud that the manager had to usher them out to the lobby.

"Madam", said the manager, "What on earth is the trouble with your dog? He is carrying on so and it disturbs the entire Theater. You'll have to leave".

"Well", said the lady, "I surely can't understand what is wrong. He seemed to enjoy the book".

Joke by: Gene W. Kohring

From: David Cahlander

The Irish man

An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"How did you know?" he asks.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."