Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes or Less

English: It's very dark in here Chinese: Wai So Dim?

English: Stay out of sight Chinese: Lei Lo

English: He's cleaning his automobile Chinese: Wa Shing Ka

English: This is a tow away zone Chinese: No Pah King

English: Is there a fugitive here? Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

English: Small Horse Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni

English: Your price is too high!!! Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!!

English: Did you go to the beach? Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?

English: I bumped into a coffee table Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni

English: Has your flight been delayed? Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?

English: I thought you were on a diet? Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?

English: They have arrived Chinese: Hai Dei Kum

English: Your body odor is offensive Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu

English: You know lyrics to the Macarena? Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

English: I got this for free Chinese: Ai No Pei

From: "Whitaker@lynxus.com"

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again." The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!

That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."