Humorlist for Wed Jul 12 2000


A Few Grins

One night Ben's mother overheard this prayer:

"Now I lay me down to rest,
and hope to pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
that's one less test I'll have to take."

One Sunday in a midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

A little boy's prayer: "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?".

"I wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said.

The little girl bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Work Ethic

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers! ---Homer Simpson

From: "Dana Burkinshaw"

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a liberal Democrat.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a liberal Democrat." Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

"Why I'm a proud conservative Republican.", boasts the little girl.

The teacher a little perturbed, her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican.

"Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too."

The teacher now angry, loudly said, "that's no reason." "What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

"Then," says Lucy, "I'd be a liberal Democrat."