A group of men were in a bar talking about marriage and their wives when one of them said, "My wife's an angel."
The fellow across from him looked up from his beer and said, "Geez, you're lucky! My wife's still alive."
From: "Craig Malwitz" <email@example.com>
Title: NOT MY JOB
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.
The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief moment and then replied; "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
A young child was constantly picked on by an older one, who would make him cry. His Mother told him, "The next time he bullies you, hit him as hard as you can!" The younger boy saw the bully in the park the next day, snuck up behind him and hit him in the back of the head, super hard, knocking the bully out cold.
The little kid went home and bragged to his Mother about his success. His Mother said, "Let me see your hand." Puzzled, the boy extended his hand toward her, for her examination.
After looking it over carefully, she said, "If you hit him as hard as you say you did, I'm surprised you didn't break your fingers."
The boy responded, "Heck, Mom, I'm surprised I didn't break THE BAT!"
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."
Subject: Want rice with that?
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (David Hinerman)
A friend told me that many of the servers in Chinese restaurants are brought to the U.S. by a company that specializes in "importing" Chinese immigrants. They are hired in their home land, brought to the U.S., trained in restaurant work, and hired out to restaurants for a period of several years to pay off the transportation and training costs. Sort of like the indentured servants of the American colonial period. The immigrants receive transport and training, the restaurants receive pre-screened, trained staff, and the company turns a profit.
After hearing this, it seems to me that name of the company should be obvious: "Hunan Resources."
From: email@example.com (Ronald Dysvick)
Clones are people two.
Atheism - A non-prophet organization.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Help stamp out, delete, and eradicate unnecessary, superfluous redundancy.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.