Humorlist for Fri Nov 12 1999


Cognitive Testing...

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test. The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?"

"297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.

The doctor says to the lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?"

"Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."

Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," says she. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?"

"Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"


Bumper Stickers We'd Love To See....

** EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.

** If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

** No, I don't have a license to kill...
It's just a learners permit.

** Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect.

** Taxation WITH representation Ain't so hot, either!

** White water... It's all over when the First Lady sings.

** Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?


You Are What You Are...

A Mr. Jones was sued by a Mrs. Johnson for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. Mr. Jones was indeed found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge, "Your Honor, this means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"

The judge said that was true.

"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action.

Mr. Jones grinned, looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."

From: Joel Porter

A lawyer was walking through the park, and he stepped in some dog poop. He took a couple of steps, looked down and said "Oh no, I'm melting".

From: (Ronald Dysvick)

The Mechanics of Compensation

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager. Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come over here a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car. Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?" DeBakey was very embarrassed and as he walked away, said softly to Morris, "Try doing your work with the engine running."