Humorlist for Fri Oct 15 1999

Ronald Dysvick wrote:

Sarcastic remarks to get you through the day:

And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

And which dwarf are you?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Meandering to a different drummer.

Subject: Irony
From: (W. Lee Spires)

Irony is when a woman stops telling you how women are just as effective as men in combat just long enough to make you kill a spider for her. [Derived from a piece of a song I heard on the radio this morning]

From: (Ronald Dysvick)

New Son-in-law

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man.

"To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-in-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

From Mon Aug 16 15:02:27 1999
She's A Live One

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."