Humorlist for Fri Oct 8 1999

There was this elderly woman who was totally deaf. She could read lips but had to have a "Hearing Ear" dog to help her to "hear" someone knocking at her door or the sound of emergency traffic. She kept her faithful dog with her wherever she went.

One day she decided to go to the movie theater to see some of her favorite stars. About half way through the show the dog began to howl and bark so loud that the manager had to usher them out to the lobby.

"Madam", said the manager, "What on earth is the trouble with your dog? He is carrying on so and it disturbs the entire Theater. You'll have to leave".

"Well", said the lady, "I surely can't understand what is wrong. He seemed to enjoy the book".

Joke by: Gene W. Kohring

From: Al Kroska
From: Tony Smith

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie.

Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?"

Bernie: "The dog came here to pray."

"Oh, come on." says the Rabbi.

"YES!" says Bernie.

Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple."

Bernie: "Its true!"..

"Ok", says the Rabbi (thinking he would call Bernie's bluff),"then show me what the dog can do."

"OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog...The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.

When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school??"

Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says, "YOU talk to him! HE wants to be a doctor!"

From: (Ronald Dysvick)

Are You This Good?

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better that a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can say honestly that, deep in your heart, you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,

If you can give love unconditionally without pressure or expectation, Then, my friend, you are ALMOST as good as your dog.