Humorlist for Mon Aug 1999

Subject: Risk takers, these Irish
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

Bing Crosby Hit Keeps Teens On The Move

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian shopping center has found a novel way to deter teenage loiterers playing loud Bing Crosby music.

The late American crooner has hit a sour note with youths with his 1938 hit My Heart is Taking Lessons, which is being played repeatedly at the entrance to the Warrawong shopping center, in southern New South Wales.

Sydney's Daily Telegraph newspaper reported Thursday that the center was also using pink fluorescent lights that highlight pimples.

"All the people from Warrawong High used to hang here after school now you don't see them," 14-year-old Matthew Wilson told the newspaper.

But youth lawyer Jane Sanders slammed the move: "It sends out the message to young people: you're troublemakers, you're not wanted in our community."

Artist Gets Noticed

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor...."

Joke Submission by: Fred T. Beeman